One Month Left!

First let me start off Merry Christmas!  We had a great holiday and it is amazing how fast it flew by.  We had a busy day yesterday but enjoyed seeing all but one of our grandparents/great grandparents.  Sad to miss the one but thankful that we were able to fit everyone else in.  Today is our last day of travel/celebration before we start to get back into the routine at home. 

I can't believe we are almost at the end.  I am still feeling great but I think I am starting to swell a little in my ankles and feet which does not make me very happy.  I don't think I had much water retention in my other pregnancies so I can only hope that it does not get much worse...I have seen others with so much more swelling!  Can still see my toe joints so I count that as a blessing:)  I am just dreading the sweat fest that will be coming after the delivery for my body to get rid of the excess water.  Maybe once I get back on my exercise routine next week that will help too...I hate that our busy schedule (and the recent rainy weather) has kept me from getting out and walking.

I think my contractions have waned a little lately and I haven't felt as much pressure down below much either but in the scheme of things I have taken it easier lately then normal (helps having my wonderful husband home so much lately...I will miss that when work gets busy again!)  I have my next appointment the first week of January, I am excited for that one as it will be the Strep B test and internal exam.  I know that being dilated (or not) means nothing but it is still interesting to know if anything has been moving down there.  This appointment also falls at 36 weeks and 4 days which is just 1-2 days before it would be safe for me to deliver at the birth center so having this next appointment means that we are in the safe zone for not having to be in the hospital:)  As much as I dread the labor pain I am looking forward to giving this little girl to her family!

4.5 weeks to go!

Moving along

The weeks seem to be flying by now and that is ok with me:)  We have been super busy with the holidays and activities which makes this time of year a pretty good one to be at the "end" of a pregnancy.

I have now upgraded to appointments every other week.  While that means I am nearing the end it also takes a little more of my precious time...I am seriously dreading the every week appointments that will start the end of December.  At the appointment last week we discussed more about the birth with the intended parents.  My midwife was wonderful at supporting me in what I want in regards to my privacy and comfort level.  Right now the plan is a water birth where both intended parents will be able to be in the room since everything will not be open for the world to see!  But, should I feel uncomfortable in any way (and she is prepared to be my advocate if I give her the look) then the intended father might have to leave the room...the best laid plans can always change and since I  have not been in this situation before I can't really say how it will all play out.  Through all of this, I am forever grateful that I chose to stick with the wonderful midwife that has been with me through the last two pregnancies rather then go with someone that was closer to home and more convenient for appointments.

The baby is moving a lot now and the intended parents want me to send a video of the movement that you can see from the outside of the belly, but wouldn't you know it either happens when I am in the car, my phone is not near or she stops when I get the camera on her!  I know, odd request but I am trying to give them this little connection to their baby.  I feel bad that she has not been active during our appointments so they could feel her, hopefully one of these days she will work with us!

My belly is getting bigger and in my way much more!  Wrapping presents is going to be a challenge this year...might have to move my station from the floor to a table for more comfort:)

Can't believe I only have 7.5 weeks to go (and based on my previous delivery dates it would be 5, 6 or 6.5 weeks to go!)

Happy Thanksgiving

I can't believe how fast time is flying, the end of this pregnancy will be here before I know it!  I have survived the last 3 weeks with my daughter's 4th birthday, my son's 6th birthday and Thanksgiving.  Busy times and all those birthdays mean lots of cake around this house:(  I enjoy making the cake and really like eating it but I have been on cake overload and I am glad the last morsel was eaten today.  Now maybe I can keep my weight in check the last weeks of this pregnancy...cake always does a number on me!

We had a good Thanksgiving which started with a family dinner on Wednesday night with my mom's family.  We ended up with around 37 people for dinner, all my immediate family (cousins, aunts, uncles and their little people.)  I am blessed with the large family we have!

Thursday we took things slow in the morning before heading up to Galax, VA to spend the holiday with my in laws.  It is always quiet up there as it was just the 5 of us and them but a good time anyway. We were able to go and cut down our Christmas trees which is an annual tradition when we go up there for Thanksgiving each year.  Saturday after bringing the girls back to Charlotte, my son, husband and I went to Raleigh for the NCSU game.  We had fun despite the chill in the air when the sun went down.  I was even allotted a trip to Chapel Hill to get some stickers for my car and for dinner.  Sad as it is, I have only been there 2 times since I graduated 11 years ago:(

We are starting our Christmas decorating today, but I have been left to do it by myself which is not as much fun so it is a slow process...the things that will get me writing my blog instead!

As for the pregnancy, I am feeling pretty good.  My Braxton hicks are starting to pick up so I am trying to take it easy, at least until my OB visit this week.  They don't hurt but I feel the tightening and sometimes a few per hour so something that keeps me thinking about it.  I have done pretty well keeping the weight gain to a pound per week, some weeks might be 2 pounds but then I hold steady the next.  Too bad I am heaver now then with any of the other kids...but March 1st will start my extreme fitness makeover to get back in shape so I can let my body do what it needs to now!

I can't believe that I am in the single digit countdown now!  Only 9 weeks to go...even though that still sounds like an eternity, I know it will continue to fly by!

Welcome 3rd Trimester!

It is official. I am in the 3rd trimester.  I am still feeling great but starting to get to the "uncomfortable" stage.  And to be honest, it is not so much uncomfortable but more the fact that I am losing the ability to bend over so well and now have the feeling that the baby is in my chest cavity (which she probably is!)

We had another appointment last Thursday and it went very fast and smooth, even with the dreaded glucose test.  My office is a no news is good news kinda place and I have not heard that I have failed so I can only assume that all is good news:)

I did bring up the need to come up with a "birth" day plan.  I feel like I am a pretty flexible person and we have done a lot to work with the intended parents but having another man, besides my husband, watch me give birth is not something that I think I can be flexible with!  I saw the pools in the labor rooms when I did the tours but never put much thought into using them during my labor. but my midwife said that 90% of the moms give birth that way.  I figured that I have had 3 births without water I can do another without but now I am thinking I should take this opportunity and see what all the fuss is about:)  Laboring and birthing in the pool might also enable me to feel more comfortable with the intended father being in the room since I will be hidden in the water.  The midwife said that even sitting next to the pool that she can't see anything in the water...and he would be nowhere close to the pool!  Such things to think about and decide!!

Since my last post we had to say good-bye to our sweet dog Dakota.  It was a tough day but something that needed to be done for her comfort.  We were lucky to have her in our family as she was such a wonderful dog to us and especially the kids.  I could not have asked for a better family dog!

Happy 4th Birthday to my sweet little girl!  How fast they grow up:(

10.5 weeks to go:)

Crazy Busy

Where does my time go?  I hate that I had a doctors appointment last week and I am just now getting to writing a post.

We had another quick appointment last week and everything is progressing perfectly.  It was a quick appointment and was just the normal vitals for me and then time to listen to the heartbeat.  We were going to maybe do an ultrasound but they did not do it and I did not care since I was in a hurry to get out of there and to my son's school so I could volunteer.

It was interesting to learn that my midwife is thinking about becoming a surrogate for her best friend who has trying to conceive for a few years now and has not had success with IVF either.  Her main question to me was how did I feel about having to give the baby up and how did I stay detached.  Such a good question!  I always hoped that I would be able to stay detached like I am now, but of course I did not know how it would feel before I was actually carrying the baby.  I have gone through this whole process knowing that I am helping another family bring their little one home and i think that knowing that has helped me to keep this baby out of my mind.  I know she is there (especially when it feels like she is clawing herself out!) but never once have I had a connection to her like I did my own children.  It also helps that I am so busy and full with the activities of my own children that the thought of having a 4th kinda overwhelms me right now!

I would feel so good if someone hearing my story and learning about my experience was then inspired to become a surrogate themselves.

So now my excuse for not getting around to writing...last weekend we took a 4 day/3 night "vacation" to the beach with my sister, 2 cousins and all our kids.  We were in a 10 bedroom oceanfront house with 12 kids between the ages of 5 months and 8 years!  It could have gone really bad but we were lucky and everyone had a great time.  Now don't get me wrong, we had some moments (like at 6:30 am trying to keep the early risers calm and quiet) but overall we had a wonderful trip and some great memories.  The weather was great and we were able to spend most of our days outside which was such a blessing for a mid-October trip.  We have now decided that this will be an once a year trip, not an one and only:)

Here is a picture of all the crazy kids:

And another of a crazy mealtime:

Since we have gotten back our days and nights have been jam packed and I have just been trying to play catch up.  I finally got all the laundry done and the suitcases unpacked today, 5 days later, which is so unlike me!

Yes, I am feeling good, when I have the time to think about even being pregnant!  I am getting pretty big and can't believe I still have 3 months left to go!  I know this last trimester will fly by as we are now in the holiday/birthday season.  There is a "big" event every 2 weeks from now till New Years which then puts me 4 weeks from my due date, whew!

13.5 weeks to go!

Ok Already!

I know, I know, I need to keep up with this!  I promise I am trying but I am failing miserably:(  For some reason I just can't find the time to sit down with the computer and write even a little update.  Could be I don't like writing or that I would rather be sewing:)

The last week and a half has been a roller coaster of emotions for our family.  Probably doesn't help that  I have these wonderful pregnancy hormones hanging out in my body!  Last Sunday night we had a little scare with our youngest child and ended up in urgent care and ultimately at the Children's Hospital for the night.  I noticed bruises popping up on her legs, lots of little bruises and not in places were I would expect to see them on a 2 year old.  It ended up that she has Immune thrombocytopenia (ITP) in which her body started attacking her platelets like they were a foreign body.  She had an IV treatment of antibodies which helped her spleen stop attacking the platelets early Monday morning and was able to go home Monday afternoon.  We have 6 months of follow-up blood checks but it is something that will go away on its own and should not affect her anymore.  Such a blessing!

After that was finally over we found out on Monday that my husband's grandmother had passed away. She had lived with my husband and his parents for many years so a huge loss to the family.  I am grateful that I got to know her and see her as much as we did.

Finally, on Monday we took our black lab to the vet as she had had loose stools all weekend.  Deep down I knew she has not been feeling the best but I was trying to ignore it.  We found out she has a grapefruit sized tumor in her abdomen. The tumor is taking her nutrients and slowly taking away her muscle mass.  We are lucky she has been so healthy in her 11 years and we will continue to do what we can to keep her comfortable and happy.

Between all this the pregnancy has not been high on my mind:(  I am feeling good and trucking along.  The baby is moving a lot more now which catches me off guard sometimes.  I don't forget that I am pregnant but I am not completely obsessed with every little movement like I was when it was my child. I am still feeling the detachment that I have had throughout this pregnancy.  Last night it did feel as though the baby was trying to kick her way out of my belly!

My weight has started to creep up a bit but I have to attribute that to the excessive sweets I ate the last couple of weeks.  I have tried to keep that in check lately so I am hoping the weight gain slows down!  I have been keeping up my 4-5 days a week of exercise which always keeps me a little happier:)

16.5 weeks to go! 

Halfway there!

I am 20 weeks, so technically I am halfway through this pregnancy.  But, looking at this whole process, I am much closer to the finish then the start.  Looking back, the process started last Oct/Nov when I met the intended parents and then the first transfer which was the beginning of January a whole 12 months before our expected due date. So, 20 more weeks (maybe a little less if history proves to repeat itself) and this whole surrogacy thing will be complete. It has been a crazy journey so far and I am excited to see how it will end, especially looking forward to that day in January that I get to hand the parents their new baby girl! 

I am still feeling great but tired again...but I think that has more to do with the fact that I have to get up super early, like 5 am early, to get my workouts in before the kids are up and our crazy morning begins.  I know, I know, I need my sleep, but I am not a happy person either if I don't get my exercise, so I am just realizing that I am having to go to bed a whole lot earlier, 9:00!

My belly is growing and I am starting to get the "when are you due" question a whole lot more.  I am getting more used to the question and therefor am getting better at the answer, "late January, but I am a surrogate so it is not mine".  Not sure why I feel the need to tell people this right off but it is all I can say when asked!  Before my instinct was to just say "it's not mine" before answering their questions:)  Of course, these questions always start the surrogate conversation but I don't mind, maybe my decision to do this will get someone else to help another family in need!

I have yet to get out my maternity clothes, but they will be making an appearance in my closet this weekend (haven't come down also due to the 75 pound box they are in and I have to remember to ask my husband when he is home!)  I am surviving on my knit skirts and elastic waisted shorts which are a part of my regular wardrobe.  My regular shirts also still fit so all is well there, I won't be wearing maternity shirts for a little bit anyway since I don't want to draw attention to my growing belly:)

19.5 weeks to go, the count DOWN is on!

Told the kids

So we finally decided it was time to tell the kids what we are doing.  I had decided earlier in the weekend to tell them Monday night (since we had my brother in law here all weekend) and it could not have been better timed!  On Monday morning we decided to take a break from the pool and go play putt-putt instead.  There was another prego (probably a few weeks ahead of me) playing at the same time.  When we got in the car we made a comment or two about her belly being a little bigger then mine and Maddox proceeds to say "but she has a baby in hers".  Ouch, but I guess why would he think otherwise when I have not said anything to him about it!

We told them at dinner by reminding them of the intended parent's other child (to make sure they knew who we were talking about) and telling them that since his mommy could not grow a baby I am doing it for them.  That I did have a baby in my belly, but it was not our baby, it was his little sister and when she is born she will go and live with them.  It was interesting to see how the 3 and 5 year olds processed it differently.  My 3 year old was instantly intrigued that there was a baby in my belly and kept touching it while my 5 year old was a little quieter and I could tell he was trying to process everything.  We stressed that it was not our baby and would never come home with us.  They both seemed to do a great job with understanding this situation and later in the night both made mention to this being someone else's little sister.  They did want to know if they could name the baby to which we obviously had to say "no":)  I have a feeling it will have a nickname soon though, hopefully something better then Baby Croc which was what my last child was called in utero. 

As for me, my belly is growing by leaps and bounds!  I can not "hide" this pregnancy anymore!  This was also a tough week weight wise as I gained 4 pounds.  Pregnant or not, that is a tough increase to see on the scale in a weeks time! 

Just under 21 weeks to go!!

Quick Update

Just wanted to give a quick update as I have been pretty busy and forget to find the time to get on the computer...sorry!

I am still feeling great and moving right along.  I "look" pregnant now with this belly that continues to grow.  I am realizing that I will probably have a lot more discussions coming about the surrogacy now as people see that I am pregnant.  For some reason the first thing I can say when someone notices I am pregnant is "it's not mine" which does make them stop to think for a second before starting all the questions!

I might have felt a kick or two but not calling it official movement since I can't definitely say it was not gas and since it is not consistent yet.  Maybe this week?

I have almost survived the summer:)  Almost time for me to get a little more rest with the kids in school...finally. What a long summer, but I guess I can be thankful that I was not 9 months pregnant in the heat!  My oldest has had his first day of school and starts full time on Friday, my middle child starts preschool on Wednesday next week!!

21.5 weeks to go, almost halfway there!

Doing great

We had our second visit with the midwife today and all went well.  I was a little anxious as to how the appointment would go since the intended parents and I have only spoken via email and text since our last appointment.

I only had to wait a few minutes before I was called to the back for my appointment.  Before they even did anything Marcia (the midwife) spoke to me and I let her know how things were going between us and how we have decided to handle the appointments going forward.  She was glad to hear that we have figured everything out.  This is her first surrogate birth that she is a practitioner for so a learning experience for all!  They did my vitals and I gained about 3 pounds this last month and had a good blood pressure. The intended parents were called back to the room and were able to hear the heartbeat which was 150.  That was it and the appointment was over:)  I had to hurry back home to get the babysitter back to my sister's as she needed to go do something so there was not much time for talking. 

We met again at 12 for the ultrasound appointment.  They decided to do an ultrasound to determine the gender and to also have pictures to show their son as they were going to tell him this weekend that he was going to be a big brother. The ultrasound was fun and a really good experience.  The technician/owner was actually the ultrasound tech when I was pregnant with Finley (we might not have remembered each other but it was good to see someone I knew and trusted).  She started with the 2D ultrasound looking at the baby and then quickly moved to the gender determination.  I was pretty proud of myself as I was able to see pretty fast that it was a GIRL (especially since I have never seen the between the leg shot on my own kids)!  I am so excited for them.  As with most expecting parents you will take and love whatever God gives you, but one gender or another might be preferred.  Since they already have a boy they were overjoyed to learn that they will now have the experience to parent a girl.  We were in the ultrasound for about 25 minutes and had a great time seeing this little girl and how shy she was.  We did not get many face shots as she kept her hand up to her face for most of the morning!  Hopefully they will send me some of the pictures and I can put them up for you.

Personally I am feeling great and can't believe that I have already started to pop!  I don't know if I can fit into my regular clothes as I prefer dresses and soft skirts usually anyway and I haven't tried on anything without an elastic waist:)  Someone at the pool on Tuesday asked if I was going to have a 4th, I think that was her really nice way to ask if I was pregnant!

23.5 weeks to go!

Feeling Great

I have a tendency to not write when there is "nothing going on" but I forget that I guess that is news that I should share too.  I am finally feeling like I usually do when I am pregnant...pretty good, so that if I did not know I was pregnant then I would not be able to tell.  I am finally over the tired stage and able to feel a little more productive around the house.  I don't have any food aversions anymore or am I feeling nauseous.

I had a busy week and a half but luckily it is finally Friday and Tim and I are both going to be home this weekend (one of the only ones until later in the fall).  I had 5 days of bike races from Wednesday to Sunday last week.  Not hard work but long hours and lots of time outside.  I had a great time being with all the bikers but was glad when the weekend was over.  This week has been a full 4 days with 4 kids.  We took all 4 kids to Carowinds yesterday for Family day with Tim's work.  The day went better then I could have ever expected, the weather was great, the kids were wonderful and everything went perfect.  It did not even phase me that i could not go on any of the rides....don't know if that means I am getting older or what!

We have the next prenatal appointment on Wednesday so it will be interesting how things go since I have only really spoken to the intended parents over text and email since the last appointment.  I think we have worked everything out but just haven't spoken on the phone.  After the appointment we have a 3D ultrasound so they can find out the sex of the baby.  It is hard for me to grasp that I will know what the sex of this baby is as i have never known before, I feel like the secret is about to be ruined (even though I know that is not how a lot of people feel!)

My belly has finally popped and is becoming much more noticeable.  My weight is still pretty much the same so hopefully they don't cause a fuss about that this week.   I have not done anything to try and keep it down, just eating the same things I have always eaten and I am sure it will start to creep up soon as the baby continues to grow.  No matter what the scale says, I am starting to feel big:)

Just over 24 weeks to go!

Working it out

It has been a week full of emails and back and forth but I think that we are close to coming up with what will work with our 2 families for the prenatal appointments the rest of this pregnancy.  I hate that we had to have these discussions but hopefully it will help us as we move on. I will be able to go into the appointments alone and then they will join us after all my vitals are taken.  I will share the important vitals with them (weight, blood pressure) but it will at least give me a sense of some privacy.

I was surprised when last Thursday I got a call from the midwife's office telling me I had an UTI.  I have never had one before and did not have the classic symptoms to alert me that there was something going on.  Yes, I have been peeing a whole bunch but show me a pregnant woman who is not in the bathroom all the time.  I did think it was crazy that I had to go to the bathroom 2-3 times a night but just attributed it to all the water I drink these days!  I was prescribed an antibiotic but at the request of the intended parents I have been trying D-mannose instead.  D-mannose is a herbal supplement that is naturally occurring in your body so it is not harmful to take and has no major side effects.  The bacteria attach to the d-mannose and then are excreted with the urine.  I have been taking it since Friday and I am seeing some improvement in the frequency of my bathroom trips but wish I had a way of knowing if the bacteria was all gone or not.  I will run out of the bottle in a day or two so will just keep it up till then.

I  am feeling great and seem to have passed the tired stage.  I still get tired but my daily naps are no longer required.  Maybe I can not stop neglecting my house and sewing!  So far I have gone up and down on my weight each week but am right about at my starting weight.  I am not dieting but also not craving my nightly cup of ice cream (even though I want to eat it I just can't make myself!) which I can only assume is a good thing...maybe I won't crave that routine after another month or two!

26 weeks to go!

Back to the Ob, finally!

After being released from the fertility clinic 2 weeks ago, today was the first visit with my midwife.  I had mixed emotions about today as I was not sure how the appointments were going to go with 2 extra people involved.  During my other pregnancies it was usually me by myself at the appointments with my husband only coming to the main ultrasound appointment.

I switched from a normal ob to a midwife after my first delivery.  My second delivery was with a wonderful midwife whom I had heard so many wonderful things about.  She was great during the birth staying with me throughout labor instead of only coming in to catch the baby, and it was refreshing to see the same person at each of my visits and then to have that same person deliver my baby.  Shortly after my second delivery this midwife left private practice and went to work for a health clinic.  When I found out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time I was relieved to learn that the midwife had gone back into private practice part time and was accepting 4 due dates per month....we were in!  Another great birth with the help of a wonderful midwife. 

Fast forward 2 years and here we are again with more changes.  My midwife is now back in practice full time and has opened a birthing center in Statesville.  It was a decision to be made whether I continue to follow her or find someone new that is closer to home and a little more convenient to get to for my prenatal appointments.  I pondered a little what I wanted to do and came to the decision to follow her yet again and go with who I am comfortable with verses who is more convenient.  So, this will be my 4th delivery at 4 different hospitals/centers in 4 different cities!!

One of my concerns with the OB appointments is whether I would get any time with my midwife by myself to discuss anything in private.  But, I called on my way up there this morning and asked them if I could have a brief moment alone with the midwife.  It worked out fine and I was able to get the time I needed.  The intended parents and I are both struggling to find our place in this process.  I went into today's appointment thinking that this is my doctor and my body, rightfully they think this is their baby so should be a part of the whole process and all information.  I know we both have to adjust our thinking but hopefully we have a better feel of the process after today's appointment.

Our visit was very through and the intended parents even got to have another ultrasound.  After hearing the heartbeat on the doppler they did the ultrasound and it was amazing to see how much the baby has grown in the last 3 weeks.  It was hard to get a good visual of the baby last time but today we got to see everything so clear even seeing the backbone and vertebrae.  This baby was also a mover and shaker, he did not stop tossing and turning the whole 10 minutes of the ultrasound!

Another unknown was whether the birth center would be covered by my insurance and if it would be an option for this birth due to cost.  After touring the center and speaking to the midwife it looks like we will be heading towards a birth center birth!!  The center has 2 birthing rooms each with a queen bed and a big tub.  One of the best things about the birthing center is that you usually leave 4-6 hours after birth.  This resolves a lot of my questions regarding how we would work things after the birth...Would they get their own room with the baby?  Would they have to spend the night in my room?   Most likely I can get my insurance to cover the birth center birth but even if not, a birth there without insurance costs as much as a birth at a hospital with insurance so to me it is a no-brainer!

I am finishing up my 12th week and feeling pretty good.  I am still tired but I am finding that I am able to survive without my naps more and more lately.  I have only gained a little over a pound (which is normal for the first trimester) since the start of the pregnancy so feeling pretty good going into the second trimester where I know I will start to gain the pregnancy weight.  I am not showing yet but definitely getting a tummy bulge.  This is the time I don't like (especially in the summer where I am in bathing suits around my neighbors, they must think I am getting fat and lazy!) between normal belly and definite preggo belly.  

I am grateful to get this first appointment over with and to feel like the pregnancy is progressing and to be back on familiar ground again.

27.5 weeks to go:)

What a day!

Today was the coveted day of the first ultrasound.  I have been very anxious about this day as it answers the last big question I have had...how many of the 2 blastids that they transferred were able to survive.   While I was not totally against having twins, I was concerned about what it would mean for delivery day.  As most of my friends know, I have a huge fear of the epidural and an even larger fear of a c-section.  I know that complications can happen with one or two babies but are more common with two.

So, after leaving at 6:30 this morning for our 9:30 appointment I arrived with plenty of butterflies in my stomach.  Of course we had to wait more today then ever before and they did not take us back till 10:10.  Then, to make matters worse, they did not tell me till AFTER I went to the bathroom that I had to have a full bladder!!  So, I chugged about 50 oz of water and 20 mins later they were able to do the ultrasound.  I saw the image come up and could see a little bambino in the amniotic sac.  The Dr did not say anything so had to ask, "is it just one?"  The answer was YES!!  Whew, what a weight lifted off my shoulders!   That was about all to the appointment and at 11 I was on the road back home.  Good bye Raleigh, I will not miss your apppointments!

Driving home I began to feel a little selfish in my response to only one baby.  I know the intended parents only wanted one but I also know they would have been ok with two.  I just pray I did not upset them with my excitement.  But, in all this I have to think about my health and my ablity to care for my kids while pregant and having a singleton will help to keep me at my daily activities.

More good news came today when they confirmed I get to stop the patches and progesterone shots on Sunday.  I couldn't be more excited for the 10 week period then I will be on Sunday when my poor bottom will get a rest and return to normal:)

31 weeks to go!

Trucking along

I know it has been a few weeks since I have written, but not much has been going on.  My biggest struggle is to just make it through the day.  I finally had to give in to my need for naps!  Severe exhaustion is my biggest pregnancy symptom.  I did realize one day that this is the first first trimester that I have been home with the kids verses working mainly behind a desk so I am going to blame it on that!

I just spent the last week with my family up in Ohio and it was great to see everyone and to finally hear family members that were supportive of the decision I have made to become a surrogate.  Unfortunately my immediate family's lack of support has been the biggest disappointment in this whole process.  I can only hope that one day they will come around and see the good that I am doing for someone else.

I have the ultrasound this week (on Friday) so I am looking forward to seeing how many are there...and crossing my fingers it is just one!

31 weeks to go!

Tired!

All I can say for this 6 th week is tired. I am able to get up and get my workouts in but by 4 o'clock I am dragging. I do get a little nauseous when I am hungry but nothing that bothers me too much.

Things have been how I expected with the intended parents. I hear from them 1-2 times a week but I am able to go about this pregnancy pretty much how I would want.

Besides the physical reminders I forget I am pregnant. There is absolutely no attachment to the baby growing inside me...I wonder if I will get the urge to nest!

Going up...

The HCG results from my second draw yesterday were right were they wanted them to be.  For the number to double it needed to be at 316 and it was somewhere around 360.  Still anyone's guess whether it is one or two, only the ultrasound will be able to definitely tell us that.

The ultrasound will either be at 7 weeks (via an internal ultrasound, which for those of you who have not been privy to having one, it looks like a big dildo!) or at around 10 weeks using the wand on the stomach.  The intended mother had a miscarriage within hours of seeing a heart beat with an internal ultrasound so she is not very interested in having one and to risk the same happening.   Of course the clinic wants us to do it but I will do whatever.

I am big on watching my weight with each of my pregnancies and am starting this one about 10 pounds heavier then my other 3, yikes!  I think that some of my weight gain might be from the drugs because in the week since I found out I have lost 1.5 pounds...and that was without working out.  I don't want to gain too much since I don't have the breastfeeding to help rid myself of the weight after!

I am 4 weeks, 4 days.

It's Official...

The blood work results are in and I am officially pregnant.  Not that I doubted the home pregnancy test, but it made the intended mother feel much better.  My HCG level was at 158 (they like to see anything over 150) and my progesterone was somewhere around 56 which was good (something was mentioned about 35 but not sure what all that meant).  I go back tomorrow to see how the levels have changed in 48 hours.  As long as the HCG levels go up, more specifically they like them to double, then we are on the right track.

I feel great, maybe a little tired, but when am I not tired?  I hope all stays that way!

"Unofficial" results

If you can call a home pregnancy test unofficial, but I would say a double line is a double line! I tested on Tuesday just for fun and it was negative but yesterday the double line came up pretty fast. I had not really been given the go-ahead to test so I never said anything about the negative but couldn't keep good news in! I sent the intended mother a picture of the double lines with the word "surprise". Apparently she did not have her phone with her all morning so did not see it till after lunch, I was starting to get worried they were mad at me for testing! But quite the contrary, they were elated.

The fertility doctor called later in the afternoon to offer congrats and to let me know I could move up the. Loos test to today but since we could not get the request over to REACH I will just go on Monday. They will take hcg and progesterone levels on Monday, then again on Wednesday to see how the levels are increasing. I am just ready to get done with the fertility clinics and to go see my midwife.

I am already feeling the difference from carrying my own children. There is a disconnect with this thing growing inside me (still unbelievable that someone else's child has such a connection to me) and being pregnant is just a job I am doing. It will be interesting to see how the feelings will differ through this whole process.

36 weeks to go!!

Last Chance

Today was the day, the final embryo transfer.  It is definitely the last one since they only had 5 viable embryos after her egg transfer and we used 2 for the last transfer.  There were 3 embryos frozen but as suspected, one did not survive the thaw.  When they freeze the embryos they take out all the water from the cells and then rehydrate them during the thaw.  I did not get to see the pictures of the embryos but they seemed to be happy with them and one looked a little better then the other.  She said that they have 100+ cells and it is typical that around 20% of the cells die during freeze.

The transfer was at 10:30 and it is a very simple procedure.  Not much more difficult then an annual exam (except the fact everyone in the room has scrubs, hair nets, masks and shoe booties!)  The procedure itself took about 5 minutes and most of that time was waiting on the embryologist to bring in the embryos.  Standard protocol for the clinic is to complete the procedure and then allow the patient to go right to the bathroom (in order to see the uterus better they ask you come in with a full bladder), but the intended mother felt better if I laid there for 30 minutes post transfer.  I enjoyed my quiet time laying there but was getting a little restless as I really needed to pee!

We were out of the office by 12 and headed to East Village Deli for lunch.  Overall a pretty easy morning and now have to take it easy the rest of the weekend.  Any excuse to let Tim do more with the kids is a good one!

There is a 50% chance for each of the embryos to implant.  If they do implant they should do it between the next 24-36 hours.  The pregnancy test will be on Monday, May 21st.  I am very ready to know if I am pregnant or if this is the end of this journey.

Thanks to everyone for their support during this journey and the wonderful thoughts and well wishes!

Here we go again...

As I have warned most of you, I am a horrible blogger.  I am sorry for not keeping this up to date.  I will do my best to keep at it at least once a week from here on out.  Not much happened after we finally got the intended parents convinced that my 2.5 HCG levels did not mean a pregnancy.  Still no answer why I had a level at all but from what I read, it is normal to have a level below 5 and not be pregnant.

It would  have taken about 5 weeks to get back ready for a transfer but doing that would have put the due date right around Dec 26/27 which is something that neither of us wanted.  If possible I would not prefer to spend my Christmas morning in the hospital (even now it is a possibility).  We delayed things another month making it a late January due date, January 27th to be exact.  So if both embryos stick it could still likely be a December birthday, but we had to take our chances with that. 

The drugs are a little different this time around as I did not have to do the 2 weeks of Lupron at the start.  All I have had to do so far is 1.5 weeks of the patches.  The big progesterone shots start on Saturday:(  I have had to make 2 trips to REACH for monitoring but nothing too bad.  They have the system worked out very efficiently and we feel like nothing more then cattle as we cycle through the office!  I am able to be in line when they open at 7, have my blood drawn and ultrasound completed and out of there by 7:30, in time to get back home so Tim can go to work.

The transfer is now on Friday, May 11 and I am ready to know if this is it or not.  Not really the birthday present I would have thought I was getting for my 33rd birthday but oh well!  Goodbye until next week...

What a week

Last week was a very trying one mentally.  After I heard from the nurse at the fertility clinic on Monday that I was not pregnant and to stop all drugs I heard from the intended mother, she questioned why I had a HCG level but the clinic was saying that we were not pregnant.  After some discussion we both agreed to keep doing the progesterone injections until I had another pregnancy test on Wednesday.  We did not tell the clinic we were doing this but I wanted to help the intended parents get a better piece of mind that there was really not a baby after this first IVF attempt.  So, Wednesday I went into my OB office to had another blood pregnancy test done.  I was hoping for same day results but of course that would be too easy.  We had to wait until Thursday afternoon to get the results and when the OB's office talked to me they said "you are pregnant" which I had a brief moment of excitement until I asked what my numbers were.  On Monday my number was 2.5 (anything under 5 the clinic deems not pregnant) and on Wednesday the number was 2.25.  HCG numbers are supposed to double every 48 hours so these low numbers that are staying low would indicate that there was not a viable pregnancy at this time.  I was sure that these results would help ease their mind, but instead it only gave them more questions.  Since the 2 tests were done at different labs it was then decided to do the test yet again on Friday (and of course that means that I have to keep doing the shots, not what I am wanting to do).  Finally on Monday we got those results and my numbers have continued to go down to 1.8.

During all this over the last week and all my frustration I have tried to put myself into their shoes and everything they are going through to have another baby.  I can't imagine what they must be going through with the disappointment and knowing that this whole process is out of their hands.

I start the birth control pills tomorrow as the beginning of the second round is now beginning.  The estimate is that transfer can happen in about 5.5 weeks from now.  The big question is what does that do for a due date.  From what I have figured it would make a due date around the middle of December so I am not sure what the intended parents are going to do with that.  They are trying to decide between going forward as soon as possible or waiting and doing a late January due date.  It seems like there is always something up in the air and a decision to be waited for.  As I keep saying, I just want to get to the pregnancy part...the part I am experienced in!

In shock...

I know that many IVF cycles do not end in a pregnancy but I did not ever really consider that IVF would not work for us the first time through.  We are not doing this because I need help getting pregnant or even because the intended parents can not get pregnant (she has already carried her own child) but rather because her body does not handle the stress of pregnancy well.  Why would I not get pregnant when 2 good looking embryos are placed right into my "great looking" (or however the doctors indicated that my uterus looked just as they would like) uterus.  My first thoughts are to what did I do wrong, even though I am very certain that I did not do anything to not enable these embryos to implant.

In all my planning and thinking through this process I never thought about what would happen if we did not get pregnant the first cycle.  Yes, it is in the contract that we will attempt 3 times, but I just never thought that we would have to be concerned with that.  Now is the time when we are very grateful that we have 2 frozen blastids waiting to be transferred.  We don't have to wait on the intended mother to do another egg retrieval, we just have to worry about me.  Also, blastids have a higher chance of implanting then the embryos that were implanted the first time.

The question of the day is now do we go right into another transfer or do we have me stop my medicine and wait for my period before starting again.  Hopefully we will know by the end of the day so I know what I need to be doing.  In a way I am hoping that we can go right into another transfer and not have to wait the extra month for the whole cycle to start again.  I am just waiting on a phone call to give me instructions on where we go next!

Did that really just happen?

So after thinking about being a surrogate for 5 years and going through the process, yesterday was such a surreal experience.  I drove to Raleigh and got there around 10.  Before I even got out of my car my nerves were tested when a guy backed out into the passenger side of my Tahoe.  Thankfully, he was not going very fast and there was absolutely no damage to either of our cars!

The intended parents were there when I got there and we went right into my acupuncture appointment.  It was a great experience and got me totally relaxed, but at the end of the 45 minutes I was feeling a little ready to move again.  After that appointment we went upstairs to the fertility clinic.  After about 10 minutes we were called back to get ready for the transfer.  We were shown pictures of the embryos and learned that the 2 they were placing were both 9 cells and compacting.  They were great quality and as good as they could be expected to be.  I was then sent into the bathroom to change into my gown, shoe booties, hair net and mask.  The intended parents were given scrubs, booties, hair net and masks too.  Seeing our new outfits made this all seem so real.  We were taken into the room, all white with the "surgical" feel to it.  Immediately I was put onto the table with my legs in the stirrups, an awkward position when you are in the room with another man that is NOT your husband (I was covered completely so there was no risk of him seeing anything!)

Once the doctor came in they showed us the embryos on the tv screen and then they were brought in for the transfer.  I had a brief moment of oh crap what am I doing but I think I would have thought that even if it was for my own child.  There is something about knowing from that minute on you are possibly pregnant.  The transfer took about 5 minutes then we were let back out to get back into our normal clothes.  All done, successfully impregnated, now to see how many continue to grow...yikes, there could be 2!!

After the transfer I had another acupuncture appointment that lasted about 25 minutes then we had a good lunch at Village Deli before I got back on the road to head home.  What a day!  I did not physically do a lot but I was completely drained when I got home, nothing that 9.5 hours of sleep could not fix.

I am able to go about my normal activities but have to keep my activity level as low as possible for the next 2-3 days.  In a week and a half I go in for the pregnancy test and progesterone levels to see if I am indeed pregnant.  If all went well then the baby/babies are due October 22nd!

Here are the 2 embryos they used!

The details

What an exciting week. On Monday the intended mother had her egg retrieval and they were able to get 10 eggs, 7 of which were mature.  Then 5 of those took the sperm and were fertilized.  They are not checking the little embryos today to see how they are doing but will again tomorrow.  The transfer will either be tomorrow (Thurs) or Saturday.  From what I understand, if the embryos are doing well in the lab then they will give them 2 more days to continue to divide so they can see which 2 become the best embryos.  If they do not look like they are doing as well then they will do the transfer tomorrow to go ahead and get them into their natural environment.

I will start my drive tomorrow morning to Raleigh at about 7 and wait to hear from the embryologist.  If they would prefer to do the transfer tomorrow then I will continue my trip, otherwise I will turn around and head back home and go on Saturday morning.  Before the transfer I have an acupuncture appointment.  The fertility clinic has seen better success with their patients who have done acupuncture so at the intended parent's request I will try it.  I am actually excited as it is something I have wanted to do but could not ever bring myself to try!

Today is my last day of non-pregnant Casey...CRAZY!

It's a go!

Last night we finally signed the contract!  It has been a very stressful work in progress but at least it is finally done.  The intended parents came to our house and had a notary come so that we could all sign the contract at once.  It was great to see them again as we are all excited for the things that will happen in the coming weeks, hopefully ending with that positive pregnancy test. Once again the kids had a great time and I like seeing that they have a friendship too.

The intendend mother had her first ovary scan on Wednesday and then her second on Saturday.  She got the word on Saturday that it is time for the egg retrieval.  Her appointment was this morning and they were able to get 10 eggs.  While not the best number that they could retrieve, hopefully they are good quality eggs.  Today/tonight they will fertilize the eggs and then watch them as they begin to divide and become embryos.  As the week goes on it will be exciting to hear about how well they are all doing.

Now that the eggs have been retrieved the transplant will happen on either Thursday or Saturday.  Of course I am hoping for Saturday so Tim can stay home with my kids and I don't have to bother anyone else with my kids.  I am waiting for the phone call from the clinic today to get a better idea of when the transfer will be.

I can not believe that I will be pregnant in less then a week!

Finally some good news!

After 2 weeks waiting for the IM's cyst to go away or even get smaller it was half it's size at her ultrasound on Monday.  So, this weekend she gets to start taking her medicines which will stimulate her overies to release more eggs so they can get ready for the egg retrevial.  We are now 2 weeks behind the original schedule putting the transfer somewhere around the 3rd to the 8th of February.  Hopefully nothing else delays us and we will be full steam ahead!

I have gotten to reduce the amount of Lupron I am taking but had to start with Vivelle patches.  The patches are a little bothersome and caused some irritation when I removed the first set of them.  All of the prep work can not end too soon, I would rather just deal with the pregnancy side effects:)

A question that was brought up at Bunko the other night was whether I will have to pay taxes on the money we receive from the surrogacy.  After doing a little research (and I mean only read a page or two on the internet), as long as the contract wording states that the money is for pain and suffering while pregnant then it should not be taxable.  I did go back and look at the wording on our contract and it looks like we should be fine as that is exactly how it reads.  Definitely glad that was brought to my attention as would not have even thought about that!

What a wonderful night!

I just got home from a wonderful night with friends at our monthly bunko (or just girls night out as it usually ends up being a night to catch up and not a night of games, but Bunko Night sounds much better!)  I was inspired to catch up on my blog as I have been very bad at it all, I will do better...can't get much worse though can it?

It was so refreshing to get this surrogacy out.  After thinking about it for years, it is awesome to finally be able to tell people about what I am doing.  It was also great to hear so many positive comments from the other moms.  It was so funny how fast our game night ended when I said I could not host Bunko until November so I could enjoy the night (not have to worry about drinking and driving) and the conversation all turned to me with questions regarding the surrogacy.  I definately did not mind as this is such a foreign concept for most people and I know that if I am still learning about the process and others don't know much either.  Maybe my story will inspire someone else to do this for another couple/family in need.

But, we have had 2 weeks of bad news.  The intended mother found out that she has a cyst 2 weeks ago that has delayed things at least 2 weeks.  With this cyst she is unable to take the medicine needed to do the egg donation.  Without the egg donation we are unable to make the embryos which will be implanted to get me pregnant.  They think that the cyst will begin to shrink since her estrogen level is low, and the cyst needs estrogen to live, so I will keep praying for good news on Monday.  She did acupuncture today so maybe that and the low estrogen (and a few good prayers) will shrink this cyst so we can begin the good stuff on Monday!

Not too bad

A late Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!  My New Years resolution is to do better writing in this blog so we will see how I am able to do with that!

I am 2 weeks into the injectable Lupron and it is all going well.  No major side effects except for a few nights where I experienced night sweats.  Nothing serious and that I can't handle.  I am very anxious to get this all started and to see the positive pregnancy test!

I had a busy day yesterday.  I had to go to the fertility clinic in Charlotte to get my monitoring done.  I got there at 7 for bloodwork and then an ultrasound to check my uterine lining, done by 7:30 so that was great.  All looks good and we would have been progressing to the next phase but found out the intended mother has a fibroid so things will be delayed at least a week before she can start her medicine for the egg retrieval.  They check her again next monday and either give the go ahead or will have to drain it before continuing.  I am feeling ok about things getting pushed back but am ready to just keep moving forward. 

Tim and I also had to go back to Greensboro again yesterday to meet with the psychologist with the intended parents.  It was kind of a worthless meeting but one that was required by the fertility clinic so we did it.  It was good seeing them again and I am glad Tim got to talk to them again as he had not seen them since the time they came to Charlotte to meet us.  The psychologist just kept trying to get more from us in what our expectations are for this "open" surrogacy (where we both want to keep in touch after the baby is born).  We are not sure what this will ultimately look like and how much we will see/talk to each other but we both know that it is something that we both want to happen.  I can't fathom how other surrogates can carry a baby for 9 months to say goodbye and never hear anything else about the baby.  I guess only time will tell to how things end up.