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Very delayed update!

I was informed this week that I needed to update the blog, I figured I would heed her suggestion and give a quick update.

The baby was born almost 10 weeks ago, I can not believe it has been so long!  My recovery went very well, I am guessing it was helped by not being sleep deprived.  There is something to be said to being able to sleep all night immediately after having a baby:)

Physically it took me about 2 weeks to get feeling back to normal and another week or two to be able to go pad-free (sorry if TMI!).  I pumped full time for a week then took another 2 weeks to drop back the pumpings so I was able to get rid of my milk fairly pain free.  I did not mind the pumping once it was my milk was in but could not keep going since I had to be completely dry by the time we went to Disney.

Speaking of Disney, we went on February 9 (4 weeks post baby) and could not have had a better time. I felt great and was not affected at all that I had just had a baby.  The kids had a great time too and we made so many memories:)  One of the better things about the trip is that I was able to wear shorts as I only had one pair of jeans that fit post baby!

Since the birth I have not had much contact with the intended parents.  The first few weeks I saw them every couple of days as they came by to pick up milk, but since then we have not talked much.  I am facebook friends with them so that has enabled me to see pictures and video of Natalie.  I can see the love they have for this little girl which makes me feel good.  I got a birth announcement from them so will try to get it uploaded here.

I do think about Natalie often and will hopefully be able to work out a time to go and see them.  I haven't seen her since the delivery and I would just like to hold her and spend a little time with the little girl that lived inside me for 9 months.

My goal currently is to finally get back to my "normal" weight.  I would like to get back to where I was after my first two births and will do it by the summer.  I have never counted calories or really watched what I ate, but I am trying to do so now.  I am down 7 pounds since we got back from Disney and I have another 7-10 to go to be where I want.  I can now wear 2 pairs of jeans but they are getting looser by the day so I have faith I will be where I want to be before too long.

A year from now I would like to complete an Ironman triathlon so I am anxiously looking forward to the challenge that the race will bring.  In addition to the challenge I am looking forward to the chance to do something for myself and get my body back after giving it to my kids for the better part of 7 years.  I might be crazy but I can't have life too boring;)

Thanks again to everyone for caring enough and taking the time to read this blog!

One week post baby

I am almost beginning to feel normal again.  I have had a remarkably easy recovery which I have to attribute to the sleep I am able to get:)  It is much easier for the body to recover from childbirth when it is not getting up all hours of the night to feed a baby!

I suffered through the first 2 days of pumping and finally got my milk in on Wednesday morning.  It still hurts to pump, mainly at the beginning, but it is definitely more bearable now.  I was supposed to pump until Sunday, which I did, pumping every 3-4 hours.  I now have the fun job of getting rid of my milk.  The intended parents asked if I would continue to pump this week to help them a little longer to see if her milk would come in.  I am continuing to give them milk (was already planning on it) while I try to slowly wean.  I have cut back to 3 pumpings a day (morning, 2pm and bedtime).  I will do this tomorrow and maybe Thursday too then will cut back to just morning and night.  I will probably have to resort to the cabbage leaves next week sometime!  I am trying to take it slow but also want to be 100% done by the first week of February as I would rather not take the pump to Disney;)

Things between the intended parents and I have been much better this last week.  I was kind of expecting this and am glad it is happening!  The intended father is here every 48 hours to get milk and the intended mother and I email or text almost every day.  We are waiting on one last check (slight oversight on their part) and then all the contractual stuff will be done and we will be able to just be families connected by a little baby.  This little princess finally got a name last Thursday, Natalie:)

I hope to be able to see and hold her one day in the near future!

Recovering

I have had 2 full days of recovery and overall I am feeling very good.  It is amazing how different recovery is when you are able to come home from delivery and get a good nights sleep...no crying baby to attend to during the night:)

I did not sleep well the night we got home, I think I was still running on the adrenaline from the birth.  I laid in bed most the night hoping for some shut eye that I never seemed to get.  On Monday I was able to get a little cat nap in the morning and then a hour nap when the kids went down for rest time.  Monday night I slept pretty well so felt more human on Tuesday.

The worst part of the last few days is the pumping that I agreed to.  Even though my 3 kids have never had formula, I have never had to do much pumping as I mainly breastfed my children.  Pumping exclusively has been miserable on my boobs!  Even with my first pumping on Monday things were getting uncomfortable.  I have managed to continue pumping after figuring out how to reduce the suction on my pump, it has made it possible but still almost brings me to tears each time I start.  I don't expect things to get much better until the pumping is finished but it is something I have agreed to so will do my best to fulfill my obligations.  I was only able to get 1.5 ounces all day Monday and Tuesday, which is a little discouraging, but did get 2.5 ounces this morning with my first pump (after 11 hours not pumping overnight).  I am not sure how much milk I will get them this week but I guess any is better for the baby then none.

As much as I hate the pumping, the pain it causes, and the hassle I will have to get rid of the milk once it comes in I have to keep telling myself that it is not only helping the baby but will help in my recovery too.  I know the breast stimulation helps my uterus contract and helps get it back to it's intended size.

This is a picture posted by one of the parents on their Facebook page. 

BIRTH Day: Sunday, January 13, 2013

After my appointment on Wednesday (as well as before) I had been having a good bit of braxton hicks and with each one was wondering if it was going to start hurting and finally be go time....and each time the answer was no|!

We had gone out Saturday night, the 12th, to a high school friend's house (yes, we still hang out occasionally, even after 16 years) and it was crazy as there were 4 of us preggos there.  It has been a while since I have been together with so many pregnant girls!  Being out late and sleeping at someone else's house, we stayed at my dad's as he had kept the kids for the night, left my husband and I ready for some relaxation and an early bedtime Sunday night!  I spend my Sunday afternoon running errands and trying to get some stuff done (without the kids) to prepare for our trip to Disney in February.  The kids then had their church activities in the early evening in which the youngest and I ran more errands to get stuff for dinner.  By the time we got home at 6:45 I was spent and starving! After engulfing dinner and an abbreviated bedtime routine we had the kids down at 7:45 and were ready to finally take it easy.  I was going to the bathroom before taking my much desired shower for the day when I heard the undeniable "pop" and felt the small rush of water.  

I know my husband was not expecting the words that came out of my mouth next "my water just broke".  I am not sure anyone expects that to be the next words out of someone's mouth who just goes into the bathroom for a quick potty break:)  But, I am very grateful that my water decided to break there verses on one of my 300 errands today or while driving in the car (which happened with my second) as that is just not fun to explain or clean up!

Since I hadn't showered all day I went ahead and took a shower and that is when I had my first contraction.  It was not strong but a little more intense then what I had been feeling over the last couple of days.  I was anxious to see how this labor would go as the other two times my water broke first I did not start my contractions for 3-6 hours!  But, after my shower I made sure my cousin was on her way to come stay with the kids and then let the intended parents know that they would have a baby that night.  While we were home my contractions never got so bad that I could not walk or talk through them but I was too scared to take my chances and wait for stronger contractions before heading to the birth center...especially since it is 30 mins from our house!

We left for the birth center a little after 8:30 and got there a little after 9.  During the drive my contractions continued to get stronger each time.  Once we arrived at the center the midwife started taking care of business taking my blood pressure and temperature.  She checked me shortly after getting there and I was already 7 cm!  I was sure I wanted to try to labor in the shower so we went ahead and turned it on to warm up so I could see if it gave me relief.  Around 9:15 I got into the shower and sat on a shower seat (with an opening like a toilet seat) and within a contraction or 2 started feeling the urge to push...I could not believe how fast things were going!  With the next contraction I pushed the baby pretty far down the birth canal and on the second contraction I pushed the baby out!  She came out crying at 9:35:)  My fear was always that the midwife would drop the baby in the shower but have no fear, she held on to her and kept her safe.

I could not believe that I was holding this baby in my arms!  I did not know what I would feel for this little girl but was pleasantly surprised how at peace I was.  I felt a bond to her but did not feel sad to have to give her up, from the beginning it was never my baby and never something I wanted.

I continued to sit in the shower and hold the baby.  We were waiting for the placenta to detach.  It took 10-15 mins for it to do so with the midwife checking every couple of minutes.  Also while I was in the shower the other 2 people from the birth center who were supposed to be at the birth finally arrived at the birth center!  The intended parents were not the only ones who missed the birth of this baby!!  After the placenta was out I rinsed off then headed back to the room to get dressed then lay down and relax a little bit.

The intended parents finally showed up around 10:10 or so and were able to finally get to see this little bundle of joy!  They had left the umbilical cord and placenta attached so the father could cut the cord.  He did this then they immediately took the baby to the other birth room so the mother and her could have some skin to skin contact.  My husband and I just lounged on the bed updating our friends and family that all went well and I was doing ok.

It is in my contract to pump for a week following delivery so I pumped at the birth center and only got .75 of an ounce.  It is such a small amount when I have sometimes gotten over 5 ounces from one side alone!!  I did visit with the intended parents and baby for a few minutes to give them the milk but mostly wanted to give this new family time alone.

I did feel a little neglected when the intended parents arrived, but had to keep reminding myself that this whole process was to give them a healthy baby and they have been waiting for her for over a year.  I thought back to my time in the hospital right after each delivery and I know that we did not care much about anything else then the new baby.  When I was able to put myself in their shoes I realized I would probably do the same thing!

We stayed at the birth center until around 12:45 then headed home to hopefully get a good night's sleep.    We were tired to say the least!

Should have been 2 more weeks to go;)

Sorry for the lighting of the first two pictures, they were taken immediately after birth while I was still in the shower.  The last picture is when I was "resting" and one of the midwifes was holding the baby until the parents got there.

37 Week Appointment

I guess I should go ahead and write this post first to keep everything in line.  Last Wednesday I had my 37 week appointment.  It was pretty uneventful as appointments go (or have gone recently!)  My midwife offered to check me to see if I have progressed at all so decided to take her up on it.  I have been having a lot of braxton hicks in the days before and we interested in seeing where I stood...yes, I know that dilation or no-dilation does not indicate when someone will go into labor.  Even though, I was excited to hear that I was 3 cm and a little thinned out.  The rest of the appointment was pretty standard, heartbeat sounded good and measuring 36 weeks.  My strep B test was negative which is a positive too.  Having Strep B does not make it so you can't deliver at the birth center but there are a few more complications regarding getting the antibiotics in and also when the baby would need to be seen at the pediatrician's office.

I think that the intended parents still have some distrust for me, not sure why, as I would not have done this without the best intentions in mind.  Who would subject themselves to 9 months of heck on their body if they did not believe in the reason they were doing it??

2.5 weeks to go!

Learn to expect the unexpected:(

I had my 36 week appointment this last week on Thursday and was kinda looking forward to the appointment.  This is the week when they do the Strep-B test so I was figuring that I would get checked and I was excited to see if I was dilated or not!  I know that having any dilation now does not indicate when I would go into labor but it is always nice to know what is going on down there.

When I arrived at the appointment they had me do my own strep test!  In all reality no big deal that I did not have to get undressed for them, but just unexpected.  Then, I found out that the intended parents had been there and had had a private discussion with my midwife.  I was pretty floored by this as I had not anything from them about any concerns.  Once I went into the room with them and our appointment started with the midwife they non-challantely told me that they were not ok with a water birth.  What?  I was completely blown away that this was never said to me personally and that they are deciding what I can do to manage my pain during labor.  I just let the appointment progress as normal but inside was stewing from this latest news.  It is true that I did not start this pregnancy thinking about a water birth, but after hearing more from the midwife about it as well as a friend of mine that has used a tub and shower during her labor, just not for delivery, (and a nice email from a trusted aunt:)) I was looking forward to the opportunity to see how much easier this labor could be with the water.

After I got home I had to call the intended parents to let it be known that I was not happy with their decision and how much it upset me that this was never brought to my attention before they discussed it with the midwife.  It was a long talk and did not get me the final results that I was hoping.  I am still not "allowed" to labor or birth in the water (hard to even say the words as I can't believe I am being told how I should get this little girl out).  Their big concern is the intended father being in the room during the birth and I was trying to make that happen as well as keep myself as comfortable as possible which was a great reason for the water birth.  I told them their other 2 options were at the hospital with an epidural, which I really did not want, but it would assure me that I would be able to survive labor pains while keeping covered in the bed or deliver at the birthing center but I need to have the ability to tell him to get out whenever I am feeling uncomfortable.  After they discussed, we are still going to deliver at the birth center and I will just have to see where the day goes and how I am feeling during the birth.

I never thought that this would be the outcome or the feelings I would have after deciding to give the gift of life to another couple.  I have less then 3 weeks to go (hopefully:)) and I can only pray that they go smoothly and that the relationship I have with the intended family improves after the birth.  I want this little girl to know who I am and how I made her life possible as well as to see her grow up.

Only 3 more weeks!!